Being Late

Trying to save money on dates and shit?  This is probably going to be the best advice I can give you on this blog.  Of course you already know what I'm going to say, it's in the title.  It's simple.  Be late.

Just think about a movie date.  This advice will work in every city but New York City and holiday nights in Miami.  

Schedule a date to the last possible movie that night.  Make sure the reason why you have to go to a movie so late is money related.  This will eventually be the same reason why you are late to the movies.  Nowadays movies are $12-$18 a ticket times two people.  The snacks (popcorn, candy, and drinks) will run you another $16+.  A date to the movies could be $50+ easily.  This doesn't even include the essential before or after movie dinner which will coast you anywhere from $30 to $80 for an average person.

On the contrary, in-home movie night costs very little.  Redbox $1.  Popcorn out of walmart $4 (10pack).  Chicken, vegetable and rice, juice (basic ass dinner)  $20.  Right now our budget is half of that of the movie date and already includes dinner.  Add a $12 bottle of wine for the ladyfriend.  You should already have a bottle of something in your house for you to drink.  In this budget we can even include a $3 box of condoms. Literally, more bang for your buck.

Don't be dumb though.  If you purchased these tickets in advance, be early.

In my church date post, I explained the benefits of going to church late.  In the movies section of this post, I included dinner dates as well.  I'm going to return to this subject at a later date.

Car Pregame

That markup on alcohol is ridiculous.  That beer that costs you $1.25 in the store, will cost you $4 through $7 at the bar.  Not to mention the tip that you put on that bottle.  Save money.  Buy a bottle and sip in the car before or after the date, preferably before.  This process has saved people like me and you millions.

I do not want to advertise drinking and driving.  I do it, but I am not your role model.  I'm suggesting that you park outside the venue of choice, and open that bottle and have a great conversation.  Use the excuse, I will not be able to hear what you are saying in there because the music is so loud or something more creative.  Take your time, finish the bottle and walk into the bar dizzy.  You do not need the champagne, it can be beer or liquor as well.  If you are with a hoodrat, drink a 40.  $2.50 will go a long way.

Pregame in the car, keep it simple.

@AlexanderDemand

Bagging the Bartender

There are several reasons why you should bag the bartender.

Reason 1: Better Drinks

When the bartender is fond of you, she will tend to give you more alcohol than normal.  Need I say more?

Reason 2: Free Drinks

Whether you are taking shots with the bartender or she's not charging you, it's all good.  Club drinks are expensive.  The markup is ridiculous.  They buy alcohol at half the price that you can buy it in a liquor store.  And then they turn around and sell it for 4-20 times that price that you could buy it in the store. When you do the numbers and think about how many drinks you will have in three hours at a club or bar, the bartender can save you thousands.  Give her a generous tip, take her to lunch, go to the movies with her and/or give her the best intercourse she's had in her life.  This is a lucrative investment.

Reason 3: No Wait in Line

When there are 20 people ahead of you in line and she see's your face, she will make that eye contact to see if she can get your order by sign language.  You gotta have sign language for the bartenders.  In my time, we have had plenty of signals to get the bartenders attention.  I could take pictures of them, but I'm lazy.  I will, however, do my best to describe a few signals for you.  When we wanted to order the incredible hulk, we would make a muscled and point at our biceps.  The signal for a bottle of rose is the simplest.  Holding your hands horizontally with palms facing each other about a foot apart.  Just think about placing one hand on the bottom of the bottle and one hand on top, but the bottle isn't actually there.  Patron and pineapple was a simple thumbs up.  Bartenders start to remember this stuff if you go to them enough.

Reason 4: Free entry to club

There's not a whole lot to say about this, but a lot of bartenders have a short list at the door.  Reduced entry, free entry, free before a certain time, vip entry, etc.  This is definitely a bonus.

Reason 5: Meet other hoes

She's too busy to keep tabs on you.  It's possible to get free drinks and bring them to other shorties.  It's all part of the game.  If the place is crowded, mingle around and find some cuties.  She'll never know. lol

This nappy head guy below knows all about this.

If your girlfriend is a bartender, get her out of my city.

@AlexanderDemand

Tips for Broke Bachelors #1

"Here's a broke nigga trick. Buy one bottle and sip slow"

-Kanye West (One Night Extravaganza) 

Endless Funds

When I first heard of the 'Endless Funds' I laughed for at least fifteen minutes.  Endless funds is stunting at the finest.  It's hard to accurately define the progress so I'm going to tell you the story I was told.

On a date with one chick, he stopped by the bank to take out his last $2500 out of the bank account.  He told her he got a text from someone that needed to hold a little bit of money.  There might have been 27 cents left in the account when he did this.  He kept all of the cash together and he took it all out to pay for the movie tickets, dinner and whatever else.  The next day, he was with another ladyfriend for lunch.  He snatched the remaining $2400 out of a compartment in his car and deposited in the bank. He told her he has been holding it in the car for a few weeks and wanted to deposit it before it came of missing. 

@AlexanderDemand

Gym Date

Who says working out can not be considered a date?

Propositioning a gym date can be tricky, because a woman can be easily offended by you asking her to workout.  Asking a woman to go to the gym with you is the equivalent of saying, "You big bitch, you are fat as hell!!!"  But if you mention that you're going to the gym, sooner or later she will insist on coming with you.  She will do this for one of three reasons.  She simply wants to spend more time with you, want to tone up and get into better shape, or she doesn't trust you and wants to see if you are telling the truth.  If you are lying and telling her that you are always going to the gym and you get there and don't know anyone or where the right equipment is, this workout date might end quickly.  I will not say that the gym date should never be a first date, there are many variables that can cause this date to fail.  A successful workout is a bond building experience.  There are a few benefits of a gym date.

Reason 1: Body Transformation

Maybe she's cool... Maybe she has a cute face...  Maybe she gained a little weight over the years...  Or maybe she has a few folds in places that she shouldn't...  Working out could point her in the right direction towards sexiness.

Reason 2: Show Off

MUSCLES - If you haven't had the opportunity to take off your shirt around her yet, this gives you the prime location to strip and not be judged.  Only take that shirt off if there is something decent looking under it.  You do not want her gazing at your man boobs or pot belly stomach.  This will be an immediately turnoff, especially when you start sweating.  As a grown up, you should be able to effectively determine if no shirt, a wifebeater, t-shirt or a sweatshirt is required.  If you look like this --->
wear a t-shirt, wifebeater, plastic bag and a sweatshirt.  This is unacceptable.
You might want to visit The Reassessment and handle that.

STRENGTH - You also have the ability to show off your strength.  Women want someone they can feel safe with.  Show them that you will not have a problem fighting for her if necessary.  Also scare her ass.  Show her that you are strong enough to whip her ass if she ever thought about punching you in the face.  I'm not saying that it's OK to beat her ass. I'm saying that she needs TO know that if you are forced, you CAN beat her ass with no struggle.  I work out in front of all of my women.  They know better... If you haven't gotten the draws yet, it's possible that she'll give them to you just because she's scared of what you would do if she didn't.  This is a conversation that I do not wish to get into, but this happens.  Please do not judge me, judge the hoes who let this happen.  However, if your lady friend is stronger than you, maybe the gym is not the best place for you to be.  You do not want to be working out in front of a group of people and she's benching more than you.  You will lose the little respect you have by your peers.  If your lady friend lifts more than you in the gym, there's a good chance someone will approach her, right in front of you, as if you don't exist.

STAMINA - Stamina might be the best thing to show off.  Show her that you can go hard for a long period of time... Need I say more?

Reason 3: Show Her Off

If she is bad, show her off.  There's nothing wrong with this.  When someone gets a nice car, they show it off.      When someone gets a nice home the show it off.  When someone gets some new shoes, the show them off.  Everyone in the gym points out the bad girls.  Guys look. Girls look. Employees look. Managers Look.  Everyone notices the baddest chick walking around the gym.  You'd be an instant celebrity for being with her.   She has to be bad though.  This reason doesn't apply to most of you.  I've seen a plethora of ugly girls in the gym with dudes.

Reason 4: Sell Your Dream

If your body is sub par, show her how dedicated you are to improving your body.  Let her know that you will get the that body she melts over when she watches movies and read magazines.  The little improvements in your body will hook her deeper and deeper.

Reason 5: Jacuzzi after Workout

The gym is not romantic at all, but the jacuzzi after the workout can create a fire.  The jacuzzi will relax her body as well as her mind.  A smooth conversation can lead to immediate physical contact.  This is tricky though.  You do not want to slip up and get a stiffy in the jacuzzi.  That 100 degrees temperature might have you lightheaded to the point where you need to jump out the water.  You don't want people seeing your boner through your shorts.  This is embarrassing, especially if you haven't smashed the girl you are chilling with at the moment.

@AlexanderDemand

The Infamous Church Date

The infamous church date is one of my favorites.  I have to add 'the infamous' in front of it because it makes it that much funnier.  Whether you are a believer or not, there are many different benefits of the church date.

Reason 1: No Entry Fee
You will never have to pay a set amount to go sit in a church.

Reason 2: Running Late
If you are running late to church, you have an excuse to bypass almost every aspect of life including the ATM machine.  That's right fellas.  If you are running late too church, ride right by the ATM machine and head straight there to participate in the praises.  Running late is the only excuse you have to give small offerings to the church.  You do not ever want to be looked at as a cheap person by your lady friend. Giving the last $2 in your pocket to the church, in this circumstance, will seem far more charitable than cheap.


Reason 3: Minimal Conversation
Minimal conversation can be interpreted many different ways.  Sitting in church for 1 to 4 hours is all listening and no talking.  Having a side conversation in church is just RUDE.  You are supposed to be in church to listen to the word, not to share your own. If you do not have a strong conversation game, church is a great place to mask this. If you are a rude individual that would prefer not to listen to your date, the sanctuary is a great place for you.  If your mind wanders a lot and you struggle paying attention to women, the sanctuary is a great place for you.

Reason 4: Free Food
Some churches serve food after the service.  Stay a little while longer and eat for free.  And you don't even have to tip.

Reason 5: Meet Other Hoes
Church is a meeting ground.  You can go to church with someone and still meet other women. It's the only place where the bringing sand to the beach theory doesn't exist; other than a swingers party of course.  Think about it.... Imagine bringing your lady friend to a restaurant or a bar.  I'm sure you know the scene.  Now just think about the face that your lady makes when you hug a female you know or speak to someone you don't.  Need I say more about that?  But in church, meeting new women is not frowned upon, it's only networking within the church.  Warm hugs. Kisses on the cheek.  Holding hands. Face to face. Eye to eye.  And you only knew each other 2 minutes.  On top of all that, these hoes, once they retired from WHOREDOM, go searching for a church man to save them from the asshole they have faced in the past.  Now you're shooting fish in a barrel.


@AlexanderDemand